No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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