when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
