Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
