Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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