I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
