Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
