Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
