i was born a porn star she said
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
