I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
