i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize