highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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