i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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