her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize