i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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