That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
