he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
