let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
