How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
