So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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