i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
