just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
