doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
that may or may not have been my penis.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
