you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
