we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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