anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
