have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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