They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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