That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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