then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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