u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
