you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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