dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
