Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
