I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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