the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
