oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
