I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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