Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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