You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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