sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
