Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
