piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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