Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
