yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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