Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
