ugly people sure do ruin things
The best revenge is premature balding
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize