i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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