that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
