I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize