Soap is not a condiment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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