I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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