I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
