And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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