So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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