So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize