I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
