Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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