I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
