I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
