My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
