i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
