; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
