so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
