I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize