this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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