Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
