i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize