ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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