I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
