I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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