She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
